TABORTALK BLOG

Imagine a great round community table. This table is the focal point for all school gatherings, looking a little closer at the grain, it reveals century old oak with years of history.It’s still sturdy, yet worn from constant use. Imagine, that no invitations are required to join the table because every member of the community has a seat with their name engraved on the back. Mixed in with these seats, are plenty of unengraved seats to accommodate new members and guests. All community members take turns speaking, and speak with their full authentic voices. No single member or group dominates the conversation. There is no central facilitator, members take turns raising questions and making comments, organically, as the need or spirit moves them. The goal of those around the table is to create a truly inclusive community that maintains and promotes diverse identities including race, ethnicity, social economic status, gender, sexual orientation, language, learning style, and much more. The space is both safe and sacred, so much so that whether the conversation turns to historical milestones, current events, or future plans the same expectations of mutual esteem prevail. People embrace democratic decision making and resolve conflict with the vision of doing the right thing, for the right reasons, and for the greatest common good. The community assumes that every child and adult, is able, willing, and in fact expected to achieve great things. People feel included, productive, challenged, and useful. Their lives are enriched because of the multiple perspectives found in the community. The overwhelming feeling is one of love, respect, and joy, and if judged, judged only by the content of one’s character. 

As a boarding school with a small, tight-knit community, we have the wonderful opportunity to create our own version of this great round community table here at Tabor. We have the opportunity to take the first steps towards challenging and difficult conversations; we are able to stand up for what we believe in while also having the freedom to speak our mind in defense of what we believe in while understanding how our words impact others.

I can’t help but think back to when I was in high school and how things were back then. Nowadays, teenagers don’t seem to be using the same derogatory words or phrases as they did when I was in boarding school; however, I still hear many painful words carelessly floating about: the vocabulary is now different, but the agonizing effect is still the same.

From what I remember, many of my friends, during any competition, games or when we were playing video games, would blurt out “Oh, that’s so gay” or when they lost they would call you a “faggot” when they really meant to say stupid, dumb or annoying. These words have and always will trouble me. While in high school, whenever I heard friends using these words my moral compass would go off and, in my heart, I knew it was causing harm to some peers, but I was often afraid of speaking up because, for the most part, the students openly saying them were older.

A wise man once said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter,” and one day during my junior year I decided I finally had enough. I remember sitting in the student center with a bunch of friends watching football, having a great time. I vaguely recall the Patriots defense making a silly mistake giving the other team an easy touchdown.  Instantly, one of the kids I was with screamed “what a fag, he just caused them the game.”  I rapidly replied, “Why didn’t you just call him an idiot instead of calling him that word.”  My friends, all teammates of mine at the time, were shocked and didn’t know how to react to what just happened. The conversation continued, soon turning into an argument, then back to a conversation again. It was a one on five conversation, but I did not back down. I believe that for once I was getting a small taste of the pressure that the LGBTQIA+ community has been and is feeling every day. I am not saying I completely stopped my friends from using these harmful words, but I know for a fact and can guarantee that from that day on, those within earshot of our conversation started to reconsider their word choice and change their language. At the time, I didn’t understand the magnitude of that moment, however, a week later I realized how impactful these words can be.

I was getting work done in a booth in the snack bar, when a hand softly placed itself on my shoulder. I was so deep in my work that I didn’t really look up to see who it was and just said, “what’s up?” A gentle voice replied, “I just wanted to thank you for standing up to those guys the other day.” At first, I had no idea what he was talking about, but he then sat with me and began to share a piece of his story. He then told me he had gay siblings and expressed how hard their journey had been due to derogatory statements and bullying they receive every day. I was shocked! We chatted for a few more minutes and then went on about our lives. From that day on, whenever I saw him there was always an unspoken hello and a nod of respect exchanged between us. Later in his career he went on to give one of the most powerful speeches I had ever heard in chapel, about being comfortable in your own skin and with who you truly are. I had no idea he was in the room that day or that it would’ve mattered so much to him, but my small act of bravery, to step up and speak up when I came across something that I knew was wrong, really ended up helping him out.

I am not sure what it was that day that finally made me speak up, but I have no regrets. In fact, I am proud of myself. Proud not only of the personal strength I gained, but the strength I gave anyone who overheard our argument and to others who heard about what happened that day, allowing them to realize they had another ally in the community. Now, as I stand here before you today, I am not saying I have never used these words myself at one point or another, like all of you I am not perfect, nobody walking this earth is. However, I came to a point where I realized the damage I was causing, directly or indirectly, and worked to change my ways, my vocabulary, my mindset and thought process.

Growing up my grandparents always reminded me to lead a life worthy of the calling to which I have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, spreading love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. In order to lead a life worthy of the calling to which we have been called, we must continuously engage in self-reflection and consider how each of us brings something different to the community table.

Faculty, staff, and students, I challenge us all to take our seat at the table and rather than shying away from potential uncomfortable discoveries or conversations, let us seek out those difficult talks and lean into the potential discomfort. Let us seek to understand how family, friends, and society have shaped our identities. By continuously learning about ourselves, we can better understand, recognize, and check our own assumptions and biases. Ultimately, this self-awareness can serve as a foundation for deeper connections within and amongst the student body, faculty, and staff. Let’s work to become a community where everyone genuinely feels the ability and comfort to be themselves, to share their perspectives and experiences knowing that colleagues, classmates, and other members of the community will be thoughtful, and show respect. Let’s grow together towards a community where we are all open about academic and social challenges and no one feels embarrassed, because in one way or another everyone shares such challenges, and as a community we can make it a point to embrace every member for their true-self. I know the road ahead will be tough and we may encounter many bumps along the way, but united, and with the support of one another, I know that we have the ability and the will to take on the opportunities to have meaningful, powerful, and much needed conversations throughout campus to ultimately make us better, not only as students or teachers, but as people.

Seawolves, from this day on, let our bond grow stronger than it has ever been. Challenge yourself and each other not to be a bystander. Challenge yourself to stand up for whatever it is you believe in: do not wait for a wave to come so you can jump on it, create your own wave and get as many people as you can surfing it with you. The time is now, don’t be a person that looks back in five years and thinks, “I could’ve been magnificent, but I was afraid.” In five years, be the person telling the story of how fear tried to stop you and cheat you out of the best things in life, but you did not allow it. Be you…the authentic you. There is no competition nor comparison. You are here for a specific reason, with a unique purpose, and you will only discover this when you let yourself become your true essence. We are moving away from collective norms and rules. We are not here to be exactly like anyone or everyone else. When you dare to be you, you allow others to also be their authentic selves.