TABORTALK BLOG

As we settle deeper into this sudden shift away from everything we once felt familiar with, it has become undeniably clear that many of us are experiencing a deep sense of GRIEVING. We are grieving our lost routines & experiences. People all over the globe are mourning losses, from careers, to school routines, to athletics, and to loved ones & beyond. While this shared experience has taken away so much, a newfound hope can be found by identifying, processing, and regrouping towards a new future ahead.

Over the past several years, experts have begun to realize that there actually isn’t a predictably organized set of stages that people go through while grieving after all, but rather, a very individualized experience without a specific order or timetable. In consideration of the alarming acuity of this global pandemic I thought it would be applicable to identify some of the more common components of grief (among many others) that may be particularly familiar to many of us at this time.

As mentioned in my previous blog entry, the feeling of being disoriented evoked an immediate sense of emotional reactivity within us. What is going on? Is this really a threat? Why do I need to stay away from everyone? What’s going to happen with school or my team? How am I going to visit colleges? Can we afford this absence of income? These are all valid concerns and changes people are grieving the loss of right now.

As time passed by, our grieving shifted to feelings of helplessness. It progressed quickly and we scrambled to respond, while new limitations and parameters were enforced daily. That lack of any sense of control often leads to anxiety and/or anger as we seek to desperately regain control of all that we are losing. These are natural and appropriate responses in the face of such significant loss of that which is familiar and of value to us. These components of grieving may also lead to an encompassing sense of fear looking forward into the unknown. 

And finally, grieving can often lead to feelings of isolation, sadness, and loneliness. I’m not talking about that healthy alone time that introverts enjoy, either. Considering the fact that today’s most urgent global command is a desperate call for “social distancing” (for good reason), it is important to remain acutely aware that we are social beings who need one another. “Social distancing” does not have to mean “social absence.” Let’s be intentional to stand up, reach out, and stay connected! 

While these common components of grieving may seem overwhelming at times, there is also very attainable hope! Consider the following actions to adapt and overcome your grieving:

Seek Connection: Hope begins with our need for each other. Isolation fuels the inability to shift perspective, often leading to the development of dysfunctional thought patterns that intensify through habit. Reach out to people that will lift you up, fill you with energy, and share positive solutions. 

Pursue Positivity: We should acknowledge our challenges, but don’t live there. Continue to be a solution-focussed thinker. Our thoughts literally have emotional movement. While negativity moves in a downward trajectory pulling us down with it, positivity moves powerfully upward, lifting us out of the darkness. Our entire being follows the direction of our thinking. And of course, remember to surround yourself with positive people, as we become like those we surround ourselves with.

Create Meaning: Pursue meaningful endeavors, relationships, and goals. When we do something possessing meaning it usually leads to deeper satisfaction while increasing our motivation. We are all unique individuals possessing gifts within us. Now is a great time to expand that sense of ourselves beyond the previous limitations of our self-concept.     

Process Feelings: When we are experiencing emotions derived from grieving, it is crucial to talk about it with someone you trust. Unprocessed emotion will poison us from within. Talking about what you are experiencing will pull it up and out of you, often leading to improved functionality and increased well-being.     

Acceptance: Refusal to accept our current life changes will lead to increased stress, frustration, and unhappiness. I often talk about “controlling the controllable,” and why this is a more productive use of our time and energy. Acceptance can increase the likelihood that we will adapt to overcome this sudden change.  

So remember, we all grieve differently, and the timing of our process can vary immensely. What many of us are experiencing right now is the grieving of sudden change in our lives and the immense absence of familiarity within this bizarre alternative version of our lives at the moment. This will not remain the same forever, nor does it need to dictate how we respond. Let’s acknowledge our losses, seek solutions together, and then do something about it that matters. Take ACTION and reach out to get through this process together!